A Musical List: Top Twelve Callings Out of A Bum Chick

While this Cleveland-Detroit series has me twisted for all the wrong reasons like the new Lil’ Wayne joint (for the record, I’m talking about “Prostitute Flange” ) – I’m thinking of phrases like “utterly lack-luster and forgettable” and “scared for the future, now”; it’s time to distance myself from the Playoffs for a moment. So in light of the current relationship between Kobe and Laker management (AKA those incompetent pricks who don’t want to win now - this is heating up fast and will have to be discussed inevitably), I bring you a list of the top lyrical tounge lashings of the enemy of everything that is testosterone and all wifeys as well: the bum chick.

Unfortunately, due to the lack of subtly of many of its lyricist, hip hop has often been mired in the perpetuation of mindless misogyny which could be interpreted as serious hating on the fairer sex. However, this reputation clouds those artists who truly have something legitimate to say about the unsavory females out there who have impacted them. Although it may be difficult to objectively call them out, every man has had his dealings with a bum chick on some level in his life. And they deserve the infamy which follows them like a dark cloud. So I present to you, the Dotrunnings top 12 songs (completely downloadable) which call out the shadiest of the shady…the infamous bum chick.

12. Jeru the Damaja – Da Bitchez: It’s the anthem of sorts (the less misogynistic one, anyways), clarifying which women get love and who gets dissed. Just don’t jump to conclusions ladies, he might not be talking about you. Really.
http://www.zshare.net/audio/2078592aec0a2a/

11. Diamond D – Sally’s Got a One Track Mind: Ah, the most celebrated bum chick of them all – the gold digga. Diamond puts Sally on blast, and then tells her there’s no future to her fronting, so she might as well just “wake up and smell the blunts.” Preach.
http://www.zshare.net/audio/20785862c05e04/

10. The Roots – You Ain’t Fly: The legendary Roots crew air out their grievances with various faisty bum chicks that have crossed their respective paths. Leave it to QuestLove to be on that ‘nice guys finish last’ tip and get all mushy over his unreceptive honey.
http://www.zshare.net/audio/20786689024cf2/

9. Nice and Smooth – Sometimes I Rhyme Slow (Smooth B Verse): Smooth goes over his dealings with the most treacherous of all the bum chicks: the basehead. And it’s stressful: “Maybe I should lick her with my nine milli-me-ter.” But Smooth knows bum chicks ain’t worth the homicide bid.
http://www.zshare.net/audio/2078554e962d50/

8. Public Enemy – She Watch Channel Zero: PE brings out the heavy guitars to lecture the bum chick addicted to the suspended reality offered by her remote. And the irony of Flav lecturing anybody of the perils of garbage TV is a sad reminder of what was and what now is.
http://www.zshare.net/audio/2078546f7d4112/

7. MF Doom as Madvillian – Fancy Clown: Doom, everybody’s favourite schizophrenic emcee, goes hard on his not exactly bum chick for cheating on him…with his alternate personality as a hilarious tirade ensues (but, really, what do expect when your mom’s a ho?) Madlib flips the ZZ Hill sample lovely as the backdrop for this adventure.
http://www.zshare.net/audio/2078530d3168a3/

6. Slick Rick – Treat Her Like A Prostitute: The original storyteller, MC Ricky D let’s all men know what time it is when it comes to revealing all females’ inner-bum chick. True science is dropped, just don’t let those jaded impulses get the better of his advice; like he says, “Don’t treat no girlie well until you’re sure of the scoop.”
http://www.zshare.net/audio/2078529d23ae5e/

5. EPMD – Play the Next Man: It’s like the album title says, business never personal. Shady bum chicks ain’t suitable to bonifide, especially if they “hanging tough like New Kids, every damn weekend” or sleeping with they boss. Cut her off, cut her off!
http://www.zshare.net/audio/20784156a82562/

4. Gang Starr – Ex Girl to Next Girl: Take a stroll with Guru for a very personal and candid description of his personal dealings with the various bum chicks he’s come across. A celebration of focused testosterone. Cuz the girls look sooooooo good.
http://www.zshare.net/audio/2078408b946dff/

3. Ghostface Killah feat. Amy Winehouse – You Know I'm No Good: I’ve said it before, but nobody calls out the bum chick quite like Pretty Tony; he wins on passion, alone. There were several potential choices from his catalogue, but I chose this take on the Amy Winehouse single, which Ghost absolutely murders with an almost cinematic virtuosity. Debating the pro and cons of wifing the bum chick, truth is spoken during the reconciliation in the form of a warning shot; “I can forgive the past but I’ll never forget it.” Tony, you crazy for this one…
http://www.zshare.net/audio/2078653cedd612/

1.(tie) Brand Nubian – Slow Down: A hip hop classic, in which the Nubians take turns calling out a trifecta of bum chicks (crackhead, gold digga and the omnipresent ho). “What makes a trick wanna act in this fashion?” Indeed.
http://www.zshare.net/audio/2078406f488197/

1.(tie) Main Source – Looking at the Front Door: Large Pro kills this lyrically and the instrumental is a classic; one of the vinyl singles I just couldn’t part with. Nuff said. Ultimate dressing down of a soon-to-be ex boo. I’ve actually told a girl during a heated argument that she treated me “like a burnt piece of bacon.” One of the few instances of melodramatic overkill I’ve allowed myself in life, but the look on her face afterwards made that call well worth it.

http://www.zshare.net/audio/2078359afcbb60/

When Adversity Comes in the Form of a Flopping Ginobili

It’s a tough little aftermath for Utah post Game 4: but it’s just a fact of life that the waves of sympathetic press will always be centred around whether Lebron is getting his fair share of calls, leaving virtually nothing for what was an industrious Jazz squad. I use the past tense, because as of last night, the Western Conference series is over. You had a great run Utah and this is the first time in the history of the sport I can this, but I’ll be sad to see a Jazz team go (Deron Williams, salute!)…

However, (overworked cliches, aside) the Playoffs is basketball's war of attrition. The unwritten rules go like this:

• It doesn’t matter if you are getting absolutely hosed by the refs…on your home court, even. Reminded me of a quote from another message board: "I knew it was going to be a bad night for somebody when I saw two refs with greasy heads."
  
• It doesn’t matter that your opponents will get an ungodly 25-2 free throw advantage in the fourth quarter, including what should be a record number of fouls called in the act of shooting a perimeter jumper and, just to rub it in, the refs allow offensive goaltending for the other team’s foreigners
• After enduring a most recent game with foul trouble, it doesn’t matter that Tim Duncan will never, ever get a foul called against him this time around - regardless how many times poor Paul Millsap lays prone on the ground
• And it really doesn’t seem to matter that Manu will get away with push offs, clearing-out albows and, most bizarrely, consistently indulged by the referees for only what can be considered “court theater” (how could they do that to Fish (yeah...he's 'Fish' now)...don't they remember the story about his infant daughter?)

"Ok...uh, son...you standing up now. They gave the other team three techs, already - Fin hit all of them...you hear that, son? Cuz...ummm, we kinda need the ball...so, uh...we can start playing again...son...you still with me, son!!?"

As a team, your players absolutely have to hit wide open jumpers down the stretch when you are only behind by 2 to 3 possessions’ worth of points. Especially on your home court. That’s it.

When you play the Spurs, you know it’s going to be a mental test more than anything else. It will never be pretty. The only hope for a truly competitive Final is for Detroit to man up and start playing at a high level. At the very least, you figure the Pistons will get some respect from the refs, because it’s odd witnessing this bizarre transition from special officiating treatment for the superstar to the breaks being given to the better or more established team. It’s as if that team’s track record for getting the job done or a specific player’s contextualized reputation (Bowen: supreme team defender) warrants calls or the occasional strategic no-call: so to that end, the Pistons better really step their game up, because perception appears to be an invaluable means.

I don’t think it would be out of pocket to say it seems like a whole nation of basketball fans desire the vanquishing of this precision-oriented, foul tactic using, whiney robotic-superstar led scourge that the Spurs have become. Short of anointing San Antonio as the NBA’s version of the old school Raiders (the matching colour schemes seems almost apropos), we’ll just leave it at the bad guys really do wear black.

Sign O’ the NBA Times – Championship Teams That Win Games by Making Their Opponents Lose and the Perils of That Strategy

There was a time when the best teams in the NBA proved their worth by being the proverbial unstoppable (or unstoppa-‘Bull’, as it were) team: the “you bring your ‘A’ game, and we’ll trump you with ours” type of championship team. Teams that could sustain the best effort their opponents had in them and still manage to come out on top: mostly due to the play and leadership of the enviable combination of superstars found on that dominant team’s roster. Teams like the old 80’s Celtics. Their fast-breaking Showtime Laker rivals. The Bulls Dynasty. Even the Kobe and Shaq (or Shaq and Kobe) Lakers. Aside from that brief Piston run (and don’t get it twisted, because there was a lot of seminal talent on that roster, too), this is how the NBA was run, and Stern basked in its marketability.

Wow...check out all the collective Hall of Famers...and for the, uh, white guys...future GM's.

But with the advent of salary cap, parody gradually began to steer things in a different direction. No longer could that powerhouse squad plug a hole in their frontline with a former number 1 overall pick (google Thompson, Mycheal) or readily accept the ‘luck’ of the draw by snapping up that franchise-saving generational player (ask Celtic fans about how that Duncan lottery turned out). Teams began to acquire a strong three-player base and then pad them with the sort of role players that would help you win games. But how were these games to be won? Why don’t we look at the two favourites of the Conference Finals series to answer that question…

These days, three's company for a championship...better step up, Manu. Then maybe Timmy will give back your nose too.

Much to the chagrin of those who desire the sort of telegenetic basketball our ancestors were privy too, in 2007 we are watching teams that absolutely make the game hell for their opponents. Force them to shoot under 40% from the floor…make that under 20% from three. Keep them under 90 points…howabout 80? Force their superstar to give up the ball and make their role players beat us. Sound familiar? Using boarderline dirty tactics to get in the head of your opponents? Why not! Yes, ‘Lowest Common Denominator Ball’ has become an art for championship-caliber teams and with a master like Gregg Popovich pulling the strings in the Playoffs, it has proven to be deadly in an extended series.

And they said I was effective at being...disruptive.

But as the past weekend showed, this strategy is designed to win wars, not battles. Lebron and the other guys managed to shoot just north of 49% from the floor to shrug off the Piston-induced slowed down pace to take Game 3. I still find the intensity of the Lebron media scrutiny mind-boggling – where questioning whether or not to pass to a wide open teammate becomes a headlining issue, but the 10 point performance that got his team there is barely worth the mention? And the polarizing response to a no-call on 'the King' from the same group that roundly criticized the NBA for the sort of referee pandering to (certain) superstars that ruined last year’s Finals? Double and triple standards (like those double and triple teams) be damned, for the cameras and professional scribes, the story is all Lebron, all the time. But in the real world, it’s about how those other guys in Cavs’ uniforms perform and forcing Drew Gooden and Daniel Gibson to step up and make shots down the stretch sounds more like a strategy to frustrate LBJ into leaving Cleveland as a free agent than one that will win a conference finals series. And somewhere, Shawn Carter doesn't even need to see Rihanna's album sales to crack a smile...

Utah managed to deliver an unconditional ass-whupping Saturday, and while I have more faith in the competitiveness of this series, I have serious reservations about the Jazz winning in San Antonio. To expect Duncan to get into foul trouble regularly is an extreme reach, but if the Jazz can harass Ginobili into shooting poorly on a given night, they may have a chance to steal one away from home; as long as their own supporting players show up as well. But you know Popovich has a plan for them, anyways.

That’s the beauty of this style of play for the purveyor; by turning every game into an excruciating mental exercise, you maximize your opposition’s chances of failure. Especially when you target the other team's weaker links.

Both Detroit and San Antonio take away their opponents options better than any other team in the League: the Pistons may have more depth, but if these Playoffs have proved anything, it’s that the Spurs have the best coach in the NBA. These two teams are destined to collide in the Finals, and just like in 2005, it won’t be pretty. Expect a series chock full of great defensive rotations, role players deciding games with their timely perimeter shooting and home courts to be hotly contested, yet ultimately defended. Least Common Denominator Ball at its finest…

$5 says that Sheed gets a tech after they give Duncan the foul with the basket...

A Brief Reprieve with some Musical Content…

I know, I know...it's been a busy week on the court, from Golden State gracefully bowing out to the Machiavellian brilliance of the one-sided outcome concerning the machinery behind judging the ramifications of Rob Horry's forearm 'shiver' (anything less than a Suns defeat in this series would be a surprise now...thanks again, David). It's almost too much to immediately digest, so for the moment...I give you the following list.

I guess it's a couple of weeks ago now, but I entered a list of the 'Top 25 Hip-hop Albums of All Time' arranged by noteworthy blogger in this area, to whose writing and content I'm partial to. So he and another dude put together the results, which included a follow-up breakdown of the data as well. It's some good stuff, although I personally found the results somewhat surprising, the inherent biases of the sample are addressed by the conductors of the poll in the post discussion. It's an interesting look still, and hopefully we'll see the results from a Top Singles poll sooner than later...

So here's the official Dot Runnings list, pretty much the most important hip hop I listened to and personally acquired, with the abject majority still lying around in tape form (whether purchased or dubbed or whatever else...) somewhere. However, due to the nature of the subject, I felt it necessary to divulge a longer list...so here's the Dot Runnings Top 70 (yes...70) Hip Hop Albums of All Time...suffice it to say, I thoroughly recommend each and every selection to the rap listener.

70. The Roots - Illadelph Halflife

69. Ultramagnetic MC's - Critical Beatdown

68. Jay-Z - Blueprint

67. Blahzay Blahzay - Blah Blah Blah

66. Fu-Schnickens - F.U. Don't Take It Personal

65. Slick Rick – The Great Adventures of Slick Rick

64. NWA – Straight Outta Compton

63. Jay-Z - Reasonable Doubt

62. Ice Cube –AmeriKKKa’s Most Wanted

61. Tha Alkaholiks - Coast II Coast

60. Ghostface Killah – Ironman

59. Camp Lo – Uptown Saturday Night

58. Heltah Skeltah - Nocturnal

57. GZA – Liquid Swords

56. UMC’s – Fruits of Nature

55. Outkast –Aquemini

54. De La Soul – Buhloone Mind State

53. Leaders of the New School - Future Without A Past

52. O.C. – Word…Life

51. Cypress Hill- Cypress Hill

50. Ras Kass - Soul on Ice

49. Big L – Lifestylez ov da Poor and Dangerous

48. KMD – Mr. Hood

47. Little Brother – The Listening

46. EPMD – Business Never Personal

45. Method Man – Tical

44. De La Soul – De La Soul Is Dead

43. Kool G. Rap & DJ Polo – Wanted: Dead or Alive

42. X-Clan – To the East, Blackwards

41. Gang Starr – Moment of Truth

40. Cru – Da Dirty 30

39. Fugees – The Score

38. Goodie Mob – Soul Food

37. J-Live – The Best Part

36. Del the Funkee Homosapien - I Wish My Brother George Was Here

35. De La Soul – Stakes Is High

34. Black Star – Mos Def and Talib Kweli are…

33. Snoop – Doggystyle

32. Slum Village – Fantastic Vol. 2

31. Pharcyde – Bizarre Ride II

30. Organized Konfusion – Stress: The Extinction Agenda

29. Smif N Wessun – Da Shinin’

28. Souls of Mischief – ’93 Til Infinity

27. Beatnuts – Street Level

26. LL Cool J – Mama Says Knock You Out

25. Jeru the Damaja – The Sun Rises in the East

24. Gang Starr – Hard to Earn

23. Black Moon – Enta Da Stage

22. Diamond D – Stunts, Blunts and Hip-Hop

21. Pete Rock and C.L. Smooth – Mecca and the Soul Brother

20. Mos Def – Black on Both Sides

19. Brand Nubian – All For One

18. Redman – Whut Thee Album

17. Main Source – Breakin’ Atoms

16. The Roots – Do You Want More?

15. Mobb Deep – The Infamous

14. Common – Resurrection

13. Raekwon – Only Built 4 Cuban Linx

12. Black Sheep – A Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

11. Notorious B.I.G. – Ready to Die

10. Dr. Dre – the Chronic

9. De La Soul – 3 Feet High and Rising

8. ATCQ – Midnight Marauders

7. Big Daddy Kane – Long Live the Kane

6. Wu Tang Clan – Enter the Wu-Tang: 36 Chambers

5. Eric B and Rakim – Paid in Full

4. BDP – Criminal Minded

3. Public Enemy – It Takes a Nation of Millions…

2. Nas - Illmatic

1. ATCQ – Low End Theory

Now I know I may have made some egregious mis-steps with regards to the over-all protocol of what should be valued in the genre. I admit, there is a lot of subjectivity to the list, the two most obvious factors being timing and taste. Although the top 25 portion may have been more suited towards a larger scale view (i.e. Black Sheep got bumped out of the top 5 for the sake of 'perspective'...) , the list essentially encompasses my exposure to hip-hop and the history of it. By no means could hip hop ever be considered mainstream when I first became a listener (growing up in that era of commercial radio silence until House of Pain stumbled along), so whatever I got a hold that caught my ear inevitably made its impression. I will admit I have an unabashed East Coast bias…it’s what I like. Obviously, I was listening to more albums, per say, in my youth: although come would say it was because they were more listenable back then. And certain classic groups may have missed the mark because I wasn’t properly exposed at first (say... Run DMC), which may seem like a major failing, but I actually bumped all the albums on this list…so I can’t take it back. I think a top 100 list would cover most folks, anyways. Plus, these are albums: there are many artists who’s individual singles got wore out in the deck, so to speak, but I never really got into or just got a hold of their albums. The singles list would look considerably different.

So there it is, hate it or love it. Hopefully, at the very least, it will remind you of some good music.

More Must See TV Tonight...

The Jazz-Warriors epic reups again, as Game 3 brings the series back to the Bay area tonight, with the most pressing plot line being how Utah reacts to the crazy sea of yellow that is the Golden State home court advantage. After those first two games in Salt Lake City, could there be any doubt as to which series is the most entertaining of the remaining four? Let's give credit where credit is due, for all the Warriors' visceral appeal (their style is basketball eye candy), this is not exactly your easy-to-villainize Malone-Stockton Jazz neither, folks...

Golden State clearly should have come away with at least one of the first two games. What makes this series even more compelling is how the Warriors seem to be thumbing their nose in the face of so much of what is considered to be basketball conventional wisdom. Despite not getting that all important result away from home, I truly believe that GS can compensate for the insane rebounding advantage the Jazz are destined to tally up each game (for the record Utah carried a 60-32 advantage and managed the same number of offensive rebounds, 19, as Golden St. had defensive ones). The difference in the first two games has been down the stretch where Deron Williams has been peerless in his decision-making, even in the face of a 36 point explosion from Baron Davis last night (who will have that performance sadly footnoted by the free throw he missed to ice the game). It’s unacceptable for GS to finish off games by throwing up errant, contested, off-balance 18-21 foot shots off their isolations: there are still workable match-ups for the Warriors at any given moment; they either have to find them or just get out of Baron’s way to the basket. At least the Whoo Jackson's ‘potential game-winning' 3 point miss from Game 1 was a wide open look – even the Warriors' makes down the stretch were of a high degree of difficulty.

But the Deron Williams lovefest continues; it was agreed upon amongst the group I was watching the game with that he could be realistically traded for D Wade. Seriously. We actually discussed it. Alright, the objectivity may have been somewhat blurred, especially during the 4th quarter, but one has to consider the fact he may have leap-frogged Chris Paul in the pecking order of point guards – given his youth, he makes a compelling argument for top 3.

But when speaking of Utah's current success, it bares mentioning the re-ermergence of Kirilenko. Granted, GS doesn't even make the most token of attempts to guard him away from the basket, but he's managed to be somewhat productive on the offensive end thus far, while providing an almost absurdly menacing defensive presence (13 blocks in 2 games!). And if we're going to mention intangibles, nothing takes precedence over what has become the Derek Fisher story. Due to my distaste for virtually all things Laker, I can honestly say I'm the farthest thing from a fan of Fisher (an oxy-moronic term to say the least, but I have a friend who has an oddly heterosexual admiration for Fish's physique...), but what he did Wednesday night considering the circumstances was nothing short of amazing (we talking about family here, so at the risk of over-sentimentality...best wishes to the Fishers and for their daughter's healthy recovery). The outcome was out of mortal hands, unfortunately for Nellie's gang, as Game 2 was just not meant to be for the Warriors...

Diesel Derek Fisher Player of Game 2?...Yup, it's fate.

Momentary sidebar about the broadcast crew: Reggie Miller is an idiot. How bad must an ex-ballplayer commentator be for you to catch of glimpse of his inner cheat on air? But during Gmae 2, ol’ Reg managed to go there by blasting the refs for correctly overturning a critical call in the 4^th (especially in light of the recent history of questionable playoff refereeing), in what had to be one of the most asinine rants I’ve ever heard an on-air personality make…and we live in the age of the Waltonian hyperbole. Dick Stockton seems a step a way from letting the play by play get away from him entirely, so combining the two is like a Bow Wow-Omarion duet in a venue devoid of little girls...

Speaking of media, Stern must be relishing the notion of a small-market final four. Maybe this is the season he gets to take his pro-active marketing hat off and sit back and enjoy the Playoffs like the rest of us. Right after that MVP trophy presentation to Dirk...

5 Reasons Why Utah, As Opposed to Dallas, Could Actually Beat Golden State in a 7 Game Series

Thank God for the West. Last night, there was a reprieve of the Detroit batty-mashing of Chicago, (as the Brother Kwame would say, “Where else could you think of that would be the worst place to be f@cked?” Indeed.) so while waiting for the Suns-Spurs game to start, I observed this utter foolishness/forgettableness…

Is there really any reason for the comedically redundant bubbles?

Now that Phoenix and San Antonio are playing their own mini-championship, one would think it would take some sort of freak show to draw attention away from this battle of the titans. Enter those compelling Warriors, who appear to be locked in a barn-burner of a series with Utah. Present battle aside, Golden State still continues to radiate an aura that looms large from their first round defeat of the best-record-having Dallas Mavericks.

Now people have asked me two alternate questions during the Warriors ultra-exciting, frantic first round defeat of the Mavs; “How is this happening to last year’s almost champions?” and “Why is Dallas considered to be so good, anyways”, alluding to how exposed they became in the series despite their guady regular season record. Well, the short answer to the Dallas question is basically they are a very good up tempo team filled with generically skilled players (with one 7 foot scoring menace) that take advantage of beneficial one-on-one match-ups without having a natural post option. During the regular season, Dallas was impressive in its resourcefulness alone and, being a very difficult team to prepare for in the short term, it ultimately led to a lot of wins. Many teams in the Lig already match up poorly against the Mavs (i.e. San Antonio Spurs, the Miami Referees...) who further befuddled opponents by employing a gimmicky 'small' line-up to maximize playing time for their more skillful players, something they had become increasingly dependent upon due to its overwhelming success. Unfortunately for them, Dallas became entangled with a team that, thanks to some late season roster maneuvers, takes advantage of beneficial one-on-one match ups by going small and extremely skilled while playing at a tempo approaching light speed. As with most playoff series, each team’s dominant player was going to play a key role in determining the outcome. Baron Davis clearly elevated his play to a level his Dallas opposites could not keep up with; Dirk Nowitzki…not so much. Cue Mark Cuban screw face (and behind closed-doors, David Stern robotic smirk).

And a final parting shot...

Now Game 1 has come and gone from the improbable Utah-Golden State series. After being played at a ridiculous pace, Utah snuck out a 116-112 victory at home, already proving that, in theory, they have what it takes to overturn the freight train of momentum that is the Warriors. So how do the Jazz distinguish themselves and not succumb to the pitfalls of small ball that derailed the mighty Mavericks?

1. Over All Length – An typical front court match-up for this series looks like this: ‘Whoo’ Jackson-Boozer; Matt Barnes-Okur; not quite comrades Biedrins-Kirilenko. Golden State is giving up a lot of length and it showed on the boards: not only did the Jazz outrebound the Warriors 54-36 but almost had as many offensive rebounds as GS had defensive (22-20). Unlike Dallas, Utah is comparatively making the Warriors look like a college team on the inside with their undersized, frantic trapping of any Jazz big man who enters the key.
2. Post Play – True, Boozer struggled from the field in Game 1 with the active, ever-changing looks that Golden State threw at him. So he merely compensated his less than stellar shooting by grabbing 10 offensive rebounds. Golden State has to expend a lot of energy dealing with a legitimate low post threat: this will definitely become more of a factor as the series progresses.
3. Point Guard – Deron Williams, AKA the most popular beige man in Salt Lake City, came up with a Game 1 performance that was nothing less than heroic. It may be unreasonable to expect Williams to outplay Baron consistently, but his offensive presence and leadership at the point greatly contrasts that which was lacking on the Dallas roster (you think Dirk was missing Steve during the 1^st round this time around…). One important note concerning what Deron brings to the court: as the playground antics of the Warriors becomes more gully during the series, the importance of having a physically strong point will prove to be an invaluable necessity (ask anyone who has played in a heated streetball run…) . With all the one-on-one play and various forms of defensive pressure Golden State attempts to employ, having a ballhandler who is quick and strong will go a long way to withstanding the barrage and exposing the holes in such defenses.
   A beige man with STRUNGTH! What you know about that?
   
4. Defense – It may seem odd to be bigging up the defensive play of a team that gave up 112 points. That being said, unlike Dallas, Utah was able to limit the successful Golden State forays to the basket, even forcing some turnovers down the stretch. While this was far from a total success, especially considering the extended moments of mayhem with their transition defense, Utah seems committed to keeping Golden State on the perimeter. Throw in the fact that Kirilenko managed 6 blocks (they may have to start writing his name in capitals like they used to do for Ginobili) and you even have an intimidating presence around the basket. It’s a good start.
5. Coaching – Avery Johnson took a huge ‘L’ to his personal credibility by willingly engaging in what seemed like a game of coaching ‘chicken’ with recovering bender-goer Don Nelson. Unfortunately for Johnson, going with what is tried in true doesn’t always work, as the small line-up that gave the Lig fits during the regular season backfired large in the 1^st round. Figure this to be one part sustained preparation that the Playoffs allow, one part flopping super-star and one part Golden State roster, which is the antithesis of a squad like, say, last year’s Stern-anointed champions, the Miami Heat.

Hard-ass Jerry Sloan doesn’t play that outcoached ish very well, and you can be sure some sort of definitive game plan will be in effect for any Jazz team that plays under him. As many pundits have already made reference to, Utah seems to have the ammo to force the Warriors to make game plan adjustments: something every bigger team in the small ball equation must do to be successful.
Now I’m definitely not saying Utah will win this series; a lot of things had to go right for Utah for them to take Game 1 (which was one errant ‘Whoo’ Jackson three from making the Jazz the latest victims of Warrior bawl). That being said, the Warriors are definitely going to have to tinker with the front court match-ups, possibly switching Al Harrington or Biedrins onto Boozer and putting crazy on crazy with Whoo and Kirilenko. Clearly, Golden State is not going to win if the rebounding issue is not addressed. It would be interesting to see if Nelson also tries to get Monta Ellis going, as not only would his production be greatly valued but it will also extend the rotation to eight, something more befitting for an extended, drag ‘em out series.
From the Jazz side of things, keep in mind it is vital that Utah maintains its home court advantage in this series, as games in the Bay Area have turned into a madhouse for visiting teams, if the Dallas series is any indicator. But you can be sure of one thing tonight, Nellie will have his troops try and play even faster in Game 2, so expect a magic number of about 120: that would be one sure fire way to guarantee a Warriors victory.

A Weekend Recap of How Folks Got Knocked Out without Getting Knocked Down, Bloodied without Taking a Decision and Just Plain Dominated

So the fight of the year came and went, as some boxing actually took place once the hoopla and shenanigans had finally subsided. I know that last statement may sound antiquated, but the pre-fight hype had reached vaudevillian levels, as probably one of the few things that actually made sense was the arrival of Mayweather to the ring in a sombrero and poncho (a nod to his uncle, the former ‘Mexican Assassin’) ultimately putting an exclamation point on the bizarre crescendo of multiple subplots.
Once the posturing had ceased, Floyd took off his actor’s hat and went from ‘bad guy’ to ‘boxer with no current peer’ as he dismantled De La Hoya one punch at a time, literally, while picking off anything his opponent threw. It can only be considered ironic how Oscar’s most crowd-pleasing moments during the fight were little more than Hollywood-style flurries that posed no danger to Junior. The sometimes there-sometimes not jab was the Golden Boy’s best punch of the night: a bad sign because his vaunted left hook was no where to be found. But as futile as De La Hoya’s aggression was, it was the primary reason there was a tempo to the fight at all, one that must have disappointed boxing industry overseers with its lack of blood and knockdowns, especially those pinning their hopes on this event as a jump off to spark a boxing revival amongst a rapidly dwindling audience.

"This is for hiring my dad...and then letting him, uh...quit."

Does there need to be a Pretty Boy-Golden Boy II…hardly. While impressive to only those who could appreciate the subtleties of the considerable technical skill Mayweather displayed in shutting down an experienced fighter, even the lay person could see De La Hoya was clearly outclassed. Only an overwhelmingly shady judge with a mandate kept this fight from being a unanimous decision and HBO did its best to work the angles, cumulating in an awkward admission by a Predator-looking Mayweather Sr. that De La Hoya did, in fact, win the fight on the basis of his fruitless aggression. The only outspoken voice of sanity on the entire broadcast was talking head/boxing savant Max Kellerman who not only took to task the judge who awarded De La Hoya the fight, but also spoke against his colleagues’ cheap shots concerning the skill and practical ability of MMA fighters. I’m sure the head of HBO boxing would almost be moved to anger at these less than pro-boxing comments…but he’s got some problems of his own to deal with.

Meanwhile, an upset did occur on the weekend, in a winner-take-all-bout only this time the man guaranteeing the victory was left once again in tears…

"I'd like to thank my teammates and coaches for cockblocking me once again...oh yeah, I said I wouldn't blame them this year...sheeeeeeeeee-it."

I know it’s a cheap shot, but for Houston to cop out in a Game 7 at home is clearly a disturbing landmark for the team. Maybe not as tragic as their Texas neighbours in the ‘D’, but upheaval in Rocketland is imminent, down to the premature reports of Van Gundy’s departure. So is this Tracy’s fault? Certainly his comments about this being his best chance to advance deep into the Playoffs didn’t help, all but absolving those around him. And sure, avoiding San Antonio, Phoenix and Dallas (RIP) till the Conference Finals did look good in theory. But this would ignore the obvious (and I don’t mean those of you who want to heap scorn on the slow jumping Yao), the roster has big flaws. And to all those who thought Luther Head was the answer at shooting guard…maybe this series was a dose of reality for you. Don’t be surprised if Larry Brown starts circling over this carcass…he was never one for etiquette.

Right now, the Spurs-Suns series is looking like a Championship Lite series. You think Nash coulda loaned some blood for the Mayweather-De La Hoya fight? San Antonio definitely pulled off a coup by getting the early win in Phoenix, and the fact that they won a game that was played north of 100 actually added to its impressiveness. Despite the Sun’s inability to consistently defend Tony Parker, I really felt that the difference in the game was Stoudemire’s inability to consistently finish at a high percentage around the rim. Duncan is ornery as ever, and his glowering at the refs rivals anything Mr. Burns ever did in his most inspired moments of evil: Amare’s gonna have to be able to score around the basket without relying on getting free throws. On the flip side for Phoenix, the Spurs will not be able to continue scoring at the Game 1 pace throughout the series: the Suns have to keep future games in the 100s to get their wins.

Who can say whose glower is more potent...

Tonight, everyone will see how Golden State fairs against a team it’s not seemingly designed to beat. Utah has a low post presence and a structured offense…Boozer might average 30 and 15 for the series. But that may not even matter if Baron and Co. continue to run and attack, however, I get the feeling they will need Al Harrington this series. Regardless, it should make for some interesting ball…well, unless Utah imposes a Sloan-esque pace to the games. Then Cuban might have that heart attack for real…