A Musical List: Top Twelve Callings Out of A Bum Chick

While this Cleveland-Detroit series has me twisted for all the wrong reasons like the new Lil’ Wayne joint (for the record, I’m talking about “Prostitute Flange” ) – I’m thinking of phrases like “utterly lack-luster and forgettable” and “scared for the future, now”; it’s time to distance myself from the Playoffs for a moment. So in light of the current relationship between Kobe and Laker management (AKA those incompetent pricks who don’t want to win now - this is heating up fast and will have to be discussed inevitably), I bring you a list of the top lyrical tounge lashings of the enemy of everything that is testosterone and all wifeys as well: the bum chick.

Unfortunately, due to the lack of subtly of many of its lyricist, hip hop has often been mired in the perpetuation of mindless misogyny which could be interpreted as serious hating on the fairer sex. However, this reputation clouds those artists who truly have something legitimate to say about the unsavory females out there who have impacted them. Although it may be difficult to objectively call them out, every man has had his dealings with a bum chick on some level in his life. And they deserve the infamy which follows them like a dark cloud. So I present to you, the Dotrunnings top 12 songs (completely downloadable) which call out the shadiest of the shady…the infamous bum chick.

12. Jeru the Damaja – Da Bitchez: It’s the anthem of sorts (the less misogynistic one, anyways), clarifying which women get love and who gets dissed. Just don’t jump to conclusions ladies, he might not be talking about you. Really.
http://www.zshare.net/audio/2078592aec0a2a/

11. Diamond D – Sally’s Got a One Track Mind: Ah, the most celebrated bum chick of them all – the gold digga. Diamond puts Sally on blast, and then tells her there’s no future to her fronting, so she might as well just “wake up and smell the blunts.” Preach.
http://www.zshare.net/audio/20785862c05e04/

10. The Roots – You Ain’t Fly: The legendary Roots crew air out their grievances with various faisty bum chicks that have crossed their respective paths. Leave it to QuestLove to be on that ‘nice guys finish last’ tip and get all mushy over his unreceptive honey.
http://www.zshare.net/audio/20786689024cf2/

9. Nice and Smooth – Sometimes I Rhyme Slow (Smooth B Verse): Smooth goes over his dealings with the most treacherous of all the bum chicks: the basehead. And it’s stressful: “Maybe I should lick her with my nine milli-me-ter.” But Smooth knows bum chicks ain’t worth the homicide bid.
http://www.zshare.net/audio/2078554e962d50/

8. Public Enemy – She Watch Channel Zero: PE brings out the heavy guitars to lecture the bum chick addicted to the suspended reality offered by her remote. And the irony of Flav lecturing anybody of the perils of garbage TV is a sad reminder of what was and what now is.
http://www.zshare.net/audio/2078546f7d4112/

7. MF Doom as Madvillian – Fancy Clown: Doom, everybody’s favourite schizophrenic emcee, goes hard on his not exactly bum chick for cheating on him…with his alternate personality as a hilarious tirade ensues (but, really, what do expect when your mom’s a ho?) Madlib flips the ZZ Hill sample lovely as the backdrop for this adventure.
http://www.zshare.net/audio/2078530d3168a3/

6. Slick Rick – Treat Her Like A Prostitute: The original storyteller, MC Ricky D let’s all men know what time it is when it comes to revealing all females’ inner-bum chick. True science is dropped, just don’t let those jaded impulses get the better of his advice; like he says, “Don’t treat no girlie well until you’re sure of the scoop.”
http://www.zshare.net/audio/2078529d23ae5e/

5. EPMD – Play the Next Man: It’s like the album title says, business never personal. Shady bum chicks ain’t suitable to bonifide, especially if they “hanging tough like New Kids, every damn weekend” or sleeping with they boss. Cut her off, cut her off!
http://www.zshare.net/audio/20784156a82562/

4. Gang Starr – Ex Girl to Next Girl: Take a stroll with Guru for a very personal and candid description of his personal dealings with the various bum chicks he’s come across. A celebration of focused testosterone. Cuz the girls look sooooooo good.
http://www.zshare.net/audio/2078408b946dff/

3. Ghostface Killah feat. Amy Winehouse – You Know I'm No Good: I’ve said it before, but nobody calls out the bum chick quite like Pretty Tony; he wins on passion, alone. There were several potential choices from his catalogue, but I chose this take on the Amy Winehouse single, which Ghost absolutely murders with an almost cinematic virtuosity. Debating the pro and cons of wifing the bum chick, truth is spoken during the reconciliation in the form of a warning shot; “I can forgive the past but I’ll never forget it.” Tony, you crazy for this one…
http://www.zshare.net/audio/2078653cedd612/

1.(tie) Brand Nubian – Slow Down: A hip hop classic, in which the Nubians take turns calling out a trifecta of bum chicks (crackhead, gold digga and the omnipresent ho). “What makes a trick wanna act in this fashion?” Indeed.
http://www.zshare.net/audio/2078406f488197/

1.(tie) Main Source – Looking at the Front Door: Large Pro kills this lyrically and the instrumental is a classic; one of the vinyl singles I just couldn’t part with. Nuff said. Ultimate dressing down of a soon-to-be ex boo. I’ve actually told a girl during a heated argument that she treated me “like a burnt piece of bacon.” One of the few instances of melodramatic overkill I’ve allowed myself in life, but the look on her face afterwards made that call well worth it.

http://www.zshare.net/audio/2078359afcbb60/