Rock The Bells: Best Concert Evaahhh….Wait for it…

Lemme finish sighing…

OK….NOT!

Yes, despite Borat’s resuscitating the punch line back to relevancy, it’s an immature and totally played out way of describing a night which was awash with immature displays resulting in the playing out of the audience as a whole. How could a Tuesday night out for some live hip-hop, granted at what is arguably the worst venue in Toronto, go so wrong? To answer this would exhaust all sarcasm and the last strains of naiveté to any well-intentioned seeker of live entertainment, considering the general track record ‘rap ‘concerts have of warranting their ticket cost. So let’s first go to what would have been, to understand what was…

The ‘Rock The Bells’ Tour has been a successfully run enterprise started out on the West Coast, most noted for making the almost impossible happen by bringing together the entire Wu for a show. This year, the tour is being taken nation-wide, and features Redman, Raekwon, freestyle legend Supernatural and hip-hop personality DJ Kool as headliners. Several big acts were signed on to do select dates which included Pharoahe Monch, Smif-N-Wessun, Ghostface Killah and EPMD. Toronto had the good fortune of securing the Boot Camp Cliquers and the vaunted old school duo of Erik And Parrish with their DJ, Scratch, for the Kool Haus show. This also happened to be the only date EPMD was scheduled to perform, so all things considering, it was a rather large coup to be pulled off for the local hip-hop scene. In theory.

As anyone who has any experience with American rap acts coming across to this side of the border to perform knows, half the battle is making sure, well, they get across said border. For a genre of music that often promotes itself by glamourizing their artists’ indiscretions with the law, there may be a conflict of interest in having a given artist try to move about freely across the continent to promote their music while their criminality is publicly celebrated. Law enforcement types tend not to be too cooperative in these situations. You figure promoters would factor this into their concert plans, as far as doing their part to help ensure artists show up, be informed about the process and at the very least, not end up completely misrepresenting themselves and their concert bill…

You see where I’m going with this. Whether due to actual ‘rap’ sheets or the need, in some noticeable way, to submit to substances that would induce rap sheets, Rae, Red and S-N-W were unable to cross the border and would be absent from the Toronto bill: a fact everyone was promptly informed of while lining up outside the venue. Now when the two main headliners are no shows on a tour, one would expect the show would not go on: one absent monkey may not stop the show, but when the top two gorillas take a pass, common sense would dictate that you gots to shut her down. It should be noted that the addition of Tek and Steele to the Toronto date was considered auspicious, if not logical, at first, but their absence was particularly suspect considering they have been all over the Dot for live shows in the past months (I mean, they couldn't get into Canada, now?). However, the show was set to go on based on the strength and overall appeal to see EPMD rehash their catalogue which had ruled the hip-hop landscape about a decade and a half ago.

EPMD happens to be one of those seminal groups in the history of hip-hop and its subsequent development as a force in pop culture. They unabashedly ripped every catchy breakbeat from ‘More Bounce to the Ounce’ to “Blind Alley’ to everything in between, laying a blueprint for future artists to mine beats in a similarly straight-forward fashion with the intent of capturing the audience’s ears. This, in itself, was a throwback to rap’s inception when disco breakbeats were regularly incorporated in even non-party tracks. But while EPMD’s beats were headnoddingly contagious, what caught the headz fancy was the straight forward ruff’n’rugged rhyme style. Erik and Parrish did something that would be almost unheard of today except in the most backpackerish circles: they rhymed about rhyming. It was hip-hop braggadocio at its finest – glancing at their collection of ‘hit’ singles quickly reveals the fundamental nature of the subject matter: ‘You Gots to Chill’, ‘So Watcha Sayin?’, ‘I’m Housin’ and ‘It’s My Thing’ are all classics stemming from their first two albums alone. The time period may have dictated their less marketable image (the taboo of crossing over was the source of their last big hit as a duo), but their Rakim-influenced style grew into something that became singularly EPMD’s own: this distinctiveness and roll call of classic records instantaneously made the group a magnet for rap fans who crave the rawer aesthetic of the early 90’s. Further polarizing the group is their inability (a destiny appeared to be set in stone) to capture the ear of the younger rap audience (who may expect more lyrically out of an artist whether on the idealistic end or more likely on the wildly nihilistic end...), who, no doubt, will find them slightly antiquated in the day and age of a rap star that is number one on the charts with a bullet…or several, imbedded in him.

So while virtually everyone arriving to the concert lamented the loss of the bulk of the bill, there was still the palpable buzz over the feature act, which had stopped by FLOW earlier in the evening to hype the event up further. Like EPMD, the crowd itself was a throwback drawn by the lure of a show featuring early to mid 90’s NYC underground rap or as most anyone in the venue would refer to it as: “real hip-hop”. Upon entry, this theme was reinforced (and further aided by the $5.25 domestic cans...) by the hour and a half of music provided by the house DJ, Starting From Scratch, who systematically ground out a crowd pleasing set (happily avoiding any pre-tense of playing music that could even be remotely considered current) : SFS’s Serato-manipulated quick-mix playlist jumped from classic east coast album to classic east coast album; conspicuously overlooking traditional sounding West Coast artists…I guess he left that DVD of joints at home (as per the memo). The crowd had no problem with any omissions, and seemed to be encouraged in their status as classically-trained headz by their relative knowledge of Slick Rick and Doug E Fresh standards (apparently, in the Dot, you know hip-hop if you are familiar with the first couple of verses to La Di Da Di).

A local act ‘Crown O’ Thornz’ a tri-dreaded group fronted by (former?) FLOW personality J-Wise, stepped up to the stage next and predictably failed to move the crowd. Unfortunately, the poor sound system and acoustics matched with the audience’s lack of familiarity with the group’s material was too much to overcome. However, to their credit, the group soldiered on through its set to a conscious vibe that appeared to capture a portion (albeit smaller) of the people’s attention: I had previously seen COT perform as an opening act to KRS-One at a much smaller venue and came away impressed in general, but the combination of Kool Haus and a crowd composed from a community that tends to look down upon its home grown performers (i.e. performers without a tangible ‘hit’) all but assured a general indifference to their set.

But while spirits were still somewhat optimistic when DJ Kool hit the stage, things looked like they were gonna take a turn for the worse as he clumsily admitted that he only had two songs to perform, one of which was supposed to be supported by an absent Redman. So Kool launched into his ‘hit’, ‘Let Me Clear My Throat’ the breakbeat heavy, hype-man call-and-response record that has been used as filler for party DJ’s since its inception: an odd ‘song’ to ‘perform’. Although the end result could have been borderline pathetic, the artist’s stage presence was enough to win over the crowd (with the panache of a savvy crackhead), as the people of the Dot have been known to give an American the benefit of the doubt (to which one might respond by pointing to the lack of charisma demonstrated by the average Canadian DJ/performer...). Kool proceeded to spin a warbily constructed set of 90’s and late 80’s hip-hop standards (that cracky goodness), often putting the crowd on its defensive by challenging their knowledge of his selections (crackhead ribbing), a fact that had been mostly proven during the previous and somewhat similar SFS set (crackhead obliviousness). Again, when all was said and done, the crowd seemed appeased in general. Even with the overlap of content, it was all good music. And DJ Kool had successfully defended his inclusion on the bill.

When the first real ‘headliner’ Supernatural appeared, he succeeded in realizing the near impossible: appeal to the crowd without possessing any clearly recognizable material. Supernat won by cleverly drawing on the ‘true school’ vibe and performing a series of impressive freestyles. The final two involved building a song around three words selected at random by the crowd (poison, camouflage and clitoris – which, not surprisingly, produced the most rousing verse) and then jumping into the crowd to build a freestyle around items that were brought to his attention by the people around him. Clearly not eager to engage the crowd in some of his recorded material, Supernat wisely left on a high, and the audience was appreciative before settling into an anticipation for the final act.

So what really could go wrong, now? At this point, virtually everyone in the crowd would have been placated by even the most basic recital of the classic catalogue that made this show such a desired ticket to begin with – even the absence of the would-be-headliners could have been compensated by Erik and Parrish’s set, not to mention DJ Scratch, who ranks amongst the top of the heap of performance DJ’s. With the Emcing and DJing elements of hip-hop covered, surely this crowd of headz would be satiated by even the most rote of performances.

Well, we didn’t really get to find out. I mean, really. During a prolonged set-up period of DJ Scratch’s equipment, a faceless protester/coward managed to land a half-full Heineken bottle (one of those streamlined new-look joints) right on the mixer of the bewildered Scratch (barely missing him), who predictably (and, depending on who you spoke to, appropriately) lost it. Unfortunately, no attempt was made to apprehend the offending vagrant as an enraged Scratch’s ultimatum of vanquishing said trouble-maker would never be fulfilled: consequently he never returned to the stage. Sadly, I had really looked forward to his portion of the act, but now the entire performance was in jeopardy. A little more than half and hour later, Erik and Parrish appeared on stage to what had become an increasingly hostile crowd. With the crowd momentarily subdued, it was explained that the DJ set-up was, for intents and purposes, null and void, as was Scratch…thus, a performance was to be pieced together with any instrumentals that the house DJ’s happened to possess (P-Plus was a trooper): which happened to be those of their two biggest hits (‘You Gots To Chill’ and ‘So Watcha Saying?’) and the Marvin Gaye-jacked Sermon single from a few years back, ‘Music’. Then, as they say, ‘jam done’.

A combined two plus hours of classic hip-hop, a local opening act, a 40 minute free-styling whirling dervish, and a roughly two and a half song EPMD set wasn’t exactly what the crowd was expecting when they dropped their ‘half a bill’ on what had appeared to be a promising expenditure of cash. Funnily, I still have mixed emotions, even though you’d figure it’d be all negative at this point: maybe, somehow, deep-down, I believe a refund is coming. I can’t, however, shake the feeling of being seriously ripped off by whoever was the local organizer of the show, as their inability (or unwillingness?) to handle the most predictable of rap concert pratfalls displayed a shocking lack of accountability. Even Erik and Parrish themselves, at least made an attempt (however lame) to show good faith and try to appease the crowd (and fulfill ‘contractual’ obligations), with the organizers seemingly helpless to ensure a proper show. There already seemed to be a subtle distaste from the performers over the ‘fickle’ nature of even this ‘true school-ish’ crowd, as shared by some comments made between house DJ SFS and impromptu hype-man/Dot Hip-Hop Ambassador Kardinal Offishall, not to mention a call to attention to disrespectful audience members thrown out by DJ Kool: the bottle incident just sealed the entire notion. When things started falling apart upon the flying of a bottle, the folks on stage were quick to call out the infamous Dot ‘Crabs-in-a-Barrel’ mentality, those that ‘Don’t-know-how-to-act’ inevitably ruining it for everybody not to mention putting a black eye on the city’s ‘rep’. Really shoulda added the ubiquitous ‘American-dick-riding’ tendencies of said crowd to complete that cypher. What really would have helped, tho, was if someone with a mic could have commanded some sort of respect – from the audience and vex performers. Not not looking at you Taboo…if that is your real name (might I suggest ‘Orange sweater wearing bastard’, if that might not seem too harsh…).

Regardless of how bad things de-evolve, the nature of a crowd doesn’t excuse a poorly put together show, that at best, still would have been a sorry misrepresentation of what coulda been. Can you really expect a crowd not to have a building sense of hostility when they arrive at a concert only to find three (!) of the main acts AWOL? I guess I had this coming; the KRS-One concert I alluded to earlier was an impossibly hype, impossible intimate, incredibly enduring affair. Complaints about the Dot scene aside (warranted and unwarranted), it’s on the organizers of these shows to ensure a decent product, which in theory will go towards winning over a fickle audience. Regardless, we’ll just have to chalk this promotional disaster to the Bush theory: set me up for the jooks once, shame on y’all…if you get my support again…I’m an idiot and can’t complain about the messed up Iraq situation/terrible concert…uh…yeah. Hell, I just want my fifty bucks back…Don? Hook that up…or has all our good fortune been spent on Rishi duping the ride program? Ah well…so it goes. I guess this is just a case of ‘Strictly Business’…or is it ‘Business Never Personal’? Always get those ones confused...