Won’t Front…a Little Shook…Even After Seeing Nate Block Yao

So after spending the day playing reverse psychology and still having my 4 year old nephew repeatedly waive off my input like a wild, fire-balling rookie pitcher would a veteran catcher calling for some off-speed…I returned home to learn about the whole Michael Richards debacle. Sadly, I couldn’t have just left it at a “Fuck-a-Kramer” (as the footage and audio was bad enough), but I decided, for some reason, to subject myself to reading some of the message board of the site that allegedly ‘broke the news’. Wow.

Let’s just say the onsite poll had a 40% pro-Kramer count…seemed low for the board. Very low. And you know how anonymous postings bring outs everyone’s emboldened, uncensored self. It was as if Richard’s spiritual soul mates over at UCLA Campus Security were putting in their two cents all at once. You think someone would be happy that the O.J. thing got put down…but alas…it seemed like they just wanted to brood about how it’s OK for black folks to drop the n-bomb and not them (truly a white person’s burden…holla Curtis).
It’d almost be moot at this point to mention the bizarrely pathetic contrition made by Richards live by satellite during Seinfeld’s time on last night’s Letterman. Half the crowd had no clue what was going on, laughing nervously at what they thought was some sort of bit, only to have Jerry scold them with his Seinfeldingly smug ‘stop laughing…this is not funny’. Wow. Not only did this make it seem even more ridiculous (as if that were possible) but it also made you feel for the little Seinfelds who endure this delivery during actual parenting. Well, at least they rich…

Did I mention I saw the ‘new’ Fergie video in between all of the madness? I can’t help but think her going solo (by going solo, I mean existing in a public manner) is somehow related to all the mayhem in some, no doubt (yeah…her holla-back ass too) sinister, way. Hell, why not throw in pre-Midterm Election, Bush-dynasty U.S. politics to complete the cypher. Give me a sec to, you know, finish the sigh…(quick count...put together Bush, his advisors, Fergie, UCLA cops, 50 (you think they next to each other by coincidence?), Kramer and OJ…yup, juuuuuust a sec..)

Damn you BEP’s!!! For…uh…enabling this trick!
(‘Where’s the love’ you ask...left right after ‘Fallin’ Up’…maybe ‘Joints and Jams’ for Don. So why’d you have to do it, Will?…oh right…that large fortune you’ve amassed…sheeeeeit, what did OC say…right, his last project was a Japan-wide release…)

So now my faith in humanity is shaken and I haven’t even mentioned that perpetual downer that is the, well, your Toronto Raptors. Well, if I could find out ‘whom’ they belong to, maybe I could convince them to do a little tweaking…
As far as yesterday’s predictions: Boozer, big game. Check…and then some (14-16 from the floor…whaaa? Go beige, indeed.). Strong third quarter setting up a predictable fourth quarter let down. Big ol’ check. Inexplicable Sam Mitchell post game quote: albeit this one concerning the non-TO during the last ticks (…at least you got this one right Sam, we certainly would have NEVER gotten a better shot coming out of the TO than we did running the frantic mayhem version of the ‘Mitchell’ set). Check. And mate.
Clock is winding down on Sam…by now Colangelo must be on the verge of seething at what his inherited coach is doing with the roster he assembled. Even Bargnani’s career high couldn’t sooth that pain…
In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been droning on about what is a clear lack of production from our swing players. I really believe their poor court presence translates into the lack of consistent scoring we’ve been getting, the inability we’ve had at diverting defensive attention from Bosh and the team willingness to falter down the stretch in general. So here’s the proof: I present the combined averages of Parker, Jones and MoPete during the extended West Coast losing-fest (remember, this is the production of 3 players):

28.0 pts/gm on 35.7% shooting from the floor and 25.4% from 3.

That’s an average of about 9.3 a game from each. I then took in the stats from the top 3 swing players from each of the West Coast opponents, who numbers were noticeably dragged down by a Kirilenko-less Utah group. The opponent’s swing-men combined to play 8 more total minutes than our hapless group (basically a scratch)…and here are their numbers (again, a 3 player average):

46.2 pts/gm on 47.5% shooting with 36.6% from three.

It should be noted that the Raptor trio took 18 more 3’s during the course of the 4 games (to make the same amount…go figure) and the opponent’s threesomes got to the line 18 more times, making 11 more free throws (not surprisingly). Guess that’s what happens when you run your guys some plays…
A difference maker…ummmm…especially if we’re losing by 7.5 a game. Fine. I’m kicking at fallen men. On to rhetorical questions. So is it the talent…or is it the guy coordinating the talent? All I know is that compared to Kramer, Sam’s still doing all right by me…

Oh, shout out to Brooks…for enduring his first major athletic injury and waiting to do it in his post-30 years…stay off the torn quad (ouch…)…regardless of how bad you want in on the American…

What’s Really Good? No seriously...what’s good...

Seeing as the Raps have come up winless in their to-be-wrapped-up-tonight sojourn out West, one may see this as a big negative. Possibly because…it is. However, rather than drone on about the negatives (I’ll wait till after the Utah game for that), let’s look at the positives. It’s a short, at times meaningless, list.

1. Bosh: Wonderboy has been averaging 24.7 pts, 13.7 rbs and 5 assists on 50.0% shooting in 39.3 mins on the West Coast swang. He’s been getting to the line about 11 and change times a game, while hitting 79.4% of the freebies. And he clearly still cares about winning as witnessed by the half-court cussing of TJ at the end of the Denver game. That cussing that has gotten zero publicity…so he’s still lovable to all.
2. The PG’s: TJ and Jose (screams ‘Buddy movie’) have been combining to average 24.7 pts and 12 assists with a 2.8 assists to turnover ratio (meh), all on 49.2% shooting. And as bad as their defense may seem at times, these are marginally better stats than their opposites: for comparison’s sake, per 48 minutes Ford/Calderon have totals of 25.2 pts and 12.2 assists while Baron, Smush, Andre and their backups have gone for 22.2 pts and 8.7 assists on 46.0% shooting. See, I told you. Better numbers.
3. The Third Quarter. Consistently our best quarter, where we are +5, just enough of advantage to set up a 4^th quarter let down. The Raps are also +5 in the second, but that mostly has to do with the giant 41 point quarter against G.S.

See. Positives all over the place. For the record, the last positive for tonight is that Kirilenko’s ankle sprain will likely keep him out of the game for 9-1 (yup...) Utah. Expect Daron and his light enough to pass-ass to step up and Boozer’s beige-ness to put up the usual numbers as well: it’ll be a light-skinned celebration. Crude skin colour observations aside (go beige!), the Jazz are known as a meticulously coached team (‘juxtaposition’ is the word that pops up when I think of Sloan and Mitchell on the same court), so expect some Jazz (singular or plural…the greatness of the nickname) to elevate their game, causing Sam to make the usual post-game, “We practice that ALL the time…” comment while explaining another team deficiency that led to the L. Predictability is one of the benefits of having a ‘player’s’ coach…

Cash Games Out West Continue to Bankrupt Us...

So despite not being dealt much of a hand, we flopped what appeared to be a winner against Golden State. Unfortunately, we were trumped at the river (the Baron's 11 point fourth quarter)...and gave up a pot that was all but ours. It was one we really needed.

Ah, Golden State. As celebrated as Don Nelson's coaching comeback may seem, this team is very flawed: they have absolutely nothing inside...and playing without Troy Murphy seemed like a crippling proposition. G State played a BS zone most of the game, which served to limit Bosh's comfort in the high post, and, in this way, the zone was quite effective for, say, the first quarter. Even in the future, GS's aggressive double and triple teams should force opposing star bigs to give up the ball. But this team just cannot rebound...actually missing against them is good offense if you have a talented post...Bosh got 22 rebounds...by himself. And for the record, our 'Franchise' deserves waaaaay more respect from the refs against what is effectively a D-League frontline (because you know the rest of our team won't get it).
The G-State guards have a very small margin of error which will get tighter and tighter amongst the better teams. Sure they will surprise teams...even good ones (I mean, Detroit did spank the Lackers the previous night...). But I just don't see them in the playoffs in the Western Confernece (and I like Baron...) and even if they do make it, they will get crushed in the first round.

Like I said, we had this game...

So to review from yesterday...what happened as per the 3 points of Raptor issue:

1. Defense: Well, played it sporadically...perimeter rotation effective against some of their less talented shooters (not not looking at you, Pietrus...), but we gave up 50-odd 'points in the paint' according to the broadcast. And it damn sure wasn't their bigs. Their guards got inside. A lot. We did a great job on Baron most of the game(11 points on 17 shots until the third), but the 11 in the fourth were on driving lay-ups or open 3's. Sigh. Oh and their secondary scorer: we got done in by Dunleavy. Dunleavy, dammit. 22 for quite possibly the least gully player in the entire NBA. JRich, Monta and Roberson all had moments as well...Monta did it down the stretch tho.

2. Rebounding: Why we shoulda won. Outrebounded them 53 to 42...there were times in the third where Bosh and Garbajosa (yes, he actually came inside the three point line) were playing volleyball with each other. And this with Bosh being the target of some really tacky off the ball calls while fighting for position. Considering the closeness of the game, the refs made some terrible calls down the stretch, in general: quick whistles on one end and total free-for-all contact on the other (unless the offense was reprimanded somehow...so much flopping on the jumping out of picks, I thought I was watching an Italian soccer team practicing...). Guess who got the worse end of things...but not to worry, after the double-digit lead was built, the make-up calls started rollin' in...

3. The Number 2 Scorer: Considering the game was done with a few minutes left, it's hard to take the box score seriously. Still, Ford was the only non-Bosh to crack 15 (by one...). The thing is this...we did not score a field goal for more than five of the final 6-7 minutes of the game. Bosh was regularly getting tripled by the GS BS zone (Nellie's GSBSZ).
Parker had a solid if not unspectacular 15, as usual. Too many three attempts down the stretch. Jones (11 as a starter) dried up like the Sahara in the fourth...same thing. Ford made some ill-advised drives considering he wasn't gonna get a call to save his family in the fourth. Sadly, Calderon's shooting may have helped here (he was rooted to the bench). But, again, nobody to step up and be a presence on the offensive end...somebody who can at least force the defense to play somewhat honest on Bosh. Oh, and where was MoPete you ask? Listen, MoPete would have a better chance putting up numbers if someone spun a wheel on the sideline to tell him whether to shoot or not per possession (for the record, he made his first two shots and nothing else)...his shot selection is that clueless. The half-court offense is a sham (good thing we run...uh, yeah). There's little to execute. Either we get hot and hit some shots or we don't. That's our non-Bosh offense. Rasho invisibility was finally cancelled out by Garbajosa visibility...he even made a cut to the basket for a lay-up...hell, he even drove to the basket. Once. And scored. Wouldn't have believed it if they didn't show the replay.
Did I mention Dunleavy had 22...alright then. Did I mention he makes these facial expressions while playing...?
In this game, the Raptors were most effective with three guards and Bosh and Jorge up front. But there was not enough chemistry to overcome playing in a non-existent half-court set...especially during crunch time. Hopefully that 'running' game will kick in, anytime now. ANY time...

Two things are certain right now. We are the worst team in the Lig at scoring from out of a time out (you're welcome, Knicks...Isiah...hi five). And it's looking bleak in the short term...the Lackers on Friday, back to back with the high-altitude Nuggets. Then, what will be a sure pasting by Sloan's boys (best...team...in...Lig?). Maybe Kobe will completely vex his team by trying to re-create past glory...that might be our only chance, because although we can play teams close...we just can't execute in the clutch at both ends. Milwaukee must be pretty tight right now...

Oh and one last ray of sunshine. For people clamoring for more Bargnani: son got punked repeatedly by, what is most likely, the worst front-line in the NBA. Biedrins would have never had a double-double (14 and12) if Bargnani not been guarding him for stretches. This is not on-the-court learning. Taking a bad shot and subsequently taking a better one next chance is on-the-court learning. Letting a Russian roughly your age, man-handle you around the basket is not. You should not play if you allow teams to repeatedly get offensive rebounds. These are effort plays, not talent plays. I said it before...he should earn his play on the defensive end and learn on the offensive one...being a flat out defensive liability is not an option. Prove you're not one in practice. There's no point in just putting him out there. I don't care how many minutes whichever rookie gets. Understand, people. That's why it's called player development. Hopefully, he will develop. But when you're not ready...you're just not ready. The "Sam watch" is still going...where's Bobby Knight when you need him?

Struggling to motivate your veteran: Is this the beginning of the end for Sam?

Six games into the season and, predictably enough, the Raps are struggling. We sure showed em' with that stellar preseason...so we have been relegated to being slotted as a 'young team on the rise': shorthand for the fact we are a threat to no one in the present. So what has gone wrong, why has all that optimism that swelled to such a feverish pitch before the season opener, deflated like a VC-led team during the playoffs (Don...settle). Well, here's the short version:

1. Defense: I think everyone knew we were gonna struggle with perimeter defense and some star players have straight had their way with us (Joe Johnson, Ron Ron, Tony Parker, 2nd-half Iverson, comfortable-lead 4th quarter Vince...). And you kinda expect a Tim Duncan, with this not being international rules and all, to be efficient about it too. It's always gonna be a little more disappointing when stars light you up from the outside. However, to have secondary scorers step up and have career nights (Josh Smith, Kevin 'backbone of Tatez's fantasy team' Martin) against us is unacceptable if there are any pretensions of winning. Sadly, we have shown flashes of being able to do the job on defense (Michael Redd), and even at times shown an ability to trap and pressure the ball creating turnovers (granted I'm thinking of the Atlanta and Philly games)...but of course, there's no consistency to this, just like our...

2. Rebounding: Basketball's a simple game, you try and get the rebound when you miss and you damn well make sure you get it when they miss. We're getting outrebounded by an average of six a game, all on the defensive end. Meaning our opponents clean up our misses, we're not doing the same. Sam keeps crying out for a more consistent effort from his guys and the need to juggle line-ups to get that effort...but hey, isn't that the nature of coaching?

3. Where's the number 2 scorer? It's clear that if somebody steps up and drops the17 to 20-odd points, it gives us an offensive presence on the court to balance things out for Bosh. And then we can win. Clearly, the scoring by committee thing would work better if we actually got out in transition regularly, but our not-so-fast breaks often leaves us running that one set 'Mitchell Special' in the half-court. And this is a big problem: because the question becomes one of who can we rely on?
From a team concept, players like Garbajosa have been so ineffective, they have become a negative in the half-court. Freddie Jones is a change-of-pace player who is someone that can be riden (uh...no homo) when he gets hot. But to expect day-in day-out numbers from him is wishful at best. It would be nice to see TJ Ford's point totals bump up, but at the end of the day, he's a pass first PG. And for those expecting a rookie to do anything consistently, well, I have to remind you we didn't draft LeBron. So that leaves Euro-League refugee Anthony Parker and staple MoPete.
Now Anthony Parker has been a pleasant surprise, but if he's gonna put up numbers at all, we're gonna have to get him the ball more. This may be a bit of a lofty expectation for a guy to immediately step up in this way, just a year after he was playing with Israelis. So the logical choice, really, all along is MoPete. Our solid veteran. But guess what...his play has been so blahzay that he's now coming off the bench. This is what you call coaching?
So you want to get MoPete into games and get some consistent production out of him? Instead of sitting him, how about running some damn plays for him! Try a screen or, God forbid, maybe even a double screen. Get him some shots in places he can score. Give him the ball in his comfort zone on the regular. It is clear that players like MoPete (and Parker for that matter) will thrive with more structure in the half-court. Shooters tend to. Yeah, it was all good when we were supposed to be all Run'N'Sunning all over the place, but our transition game has been mediocre at best. And what ever happened to that 'commitment to running', anyways? That was supposed to solve all those shot selection problems....

I know, I know...6 games into the season. Yes, it's early and yes, we got alot of new players. And, imagine this, some players are actually slumping. But Sam is just lucky that the Philly game worked out, because going 1-9 to start the season would have you in a Doc Rivers-type predicament. I guess the race to get fired is on, and with Doc and Dwane Casey out in Minny the front-runners...I would put Sam even ahead of Isiah as far as getting the pink slip first. Because 2-8 could lead to 2-10 very quickly with games against LeBron and at Atlanta after the West Coast twirl. I really hope they can salvage something tonight...or at least make it competitive. Cuz if somebody has a career night other than Baron (Monta Ellis perhaps) , it'll be a wrap. Trust. The Mitchell watch is on...

30-Something Hip-Hop: A Review Of Jay-Z's Kingdom Come and Definitely Not One of the Juggaknots' Use Your Confusion

So your boy is back. Held you down for x amount of summers. Now it’s the winter’s turn (uh…yeah). You know, the one who had a retirement album, called it ‘Black’ and now side-stepped some of his duties as President of Def Jam to drop his ‘comeback’ album entitled Kingdom Come.

By now, everyone has heard the first single, 'Show Me What You Got' dropped with much fanfare to much blahzay returns. I mean, he’s even got NASCAR drivers in the video…yes, cross-marketing was the priority. In fact, if you’re a fan or are up on your hip-hop, you’ve probably heard a couple of rappers give the track the Renegade business without inviting Hov to join in: AZ absolutely murdered it, then more recently Lil’ Wayne, gulp, did the same (cough…getting affiliated with the Weezy bandwagon is an extremely new look…). Fortunately, a de facto B-Side was leaked; the Just Blaze title track where Jus tributes Rick James by masterly rearranging Super Freak to the point of virtually over-shadowing Jay’s super-hero motif-based rhymes. Overall, an impressive piece of hip-hop, but it really begs the question: ‘how is the album gonna sound?’

Since Shawn Carter adopted the Jay-Z moniker and dropped his first non-Jaz-O assisted work, the seminal (but in no way, shape or form better than Only Built 4 Cuban Linx) Reasonable Doubt, he has experienced two extraordinary pieces of luck on root to becoming possibly the most influential rapper of his time. First, Biggie died, leaving a (sigh) ‘large’ vacancy at the top of the hip-hop hierarchy. Secondly, white people/popular culture reached out to enthusiastically accept ‘rap’ and started buying it in large numbers. After a brief slip up (that brick ‘Sunshine’ that still owes an apology to ‘Rockin’ It’, Alexander O’Neal and anyone who caught a seizure from the damn video…) Jay was able to string together a track record of hits summer after summer while still carefully maintaining his original image as a man of the streets, ultimately vaulting him to iconic status. Everybody loved him, and his power was seemingly limitless, as a revisionist hip-hop history was written with every ‘borrowed’ rhyme of Christopher Wallace. Only a minor ‘Ethering’ kept his track record from being unblemished, but by pushing a ‘sales controls stats’ agenda (assist white folks), Jay-Z became arguably the most popular rapper on the planet, so acclaimed that many who have no business acclaiming anything in the hip-hop world jumped on the joc..err, Roc Bandwagon. His branding acumen led to the aforementioned job as Def Jam president, where he was able to ignore such acts as the Roots and Method Man to bring you his comeback album as a fourth quarter release guaranteed to make his cooperate overlords brim with pleasure. And get him a new HP commercial.

Or maybe not. The Black Album’s short term marketing strategy has seeming set Mr. Carter up for a significant backlash: this ‘rap needs me’ arrogance has always been more befitting to the sullen artist’s personality of Nas, than ‘man of the people’ Jay. At a time where those in charge need to put their presidency where your mouth is, how does this hip-hop mid-term election, Kingdom Come, really stack up?

Well, considering the advance poll results where extremely shaky at best(...cough...Weezy...), the album has its moments. But if you’re expecting greatness out of Shawn, go back to your ‘Best of’ RD/ Blueprint/ Black Album compilation, because this ain’t it. But it’s an interesting look into a man trying to keep his place at the top of an industry where regardless how old he tells you he is (still in your 30’s Shawn…really?), its still way too old. Maybe consider this his ‘4-5’ album or possibly his “Wizards’ joint. Even the most ardent Jay-Z fan might have to admit, “damn, Hov can’t get to the rim like he used to…”

Shawn uses Kingdom Come to get some things off his chest, and progressively move away from his ‘Money Ain’t a Thing’ persona to settle into a new ‘Dime-Store Philosophizing Rap Guru’ one. Thanks to years of ‘subtle’ lyrical prodding, most of his fan base have taken Jay’s word to be fitting of his ‘Hova’ moniker, so this should be a natural fit for the aging rapper (if you don’t think Jay is the deepest of cats, just head to the ‘Hater’ isle to find some accessories…). For the most part, it’s the musical landscape that many will find under-whelming. And the most obvious slip-ups predictably occur with his cross-over material, which will no doubt be considered filler in the ‘Change Clothes’, ‘Justify My Thug’ (just cringed even giving type to that booty ish…) vein.

The previously addressed luke-warmness of ‘Show Me What You Got’ joins the Neptune produced, no-longer ‘Burn’-ing Usher stamped ‘Anything’ and the Bey-Z ‘shoulda been left on B’s album’, puke-inducing shout out to Gwyneth and Chris, anti-gully “Hollywood” as being sonically and (for some, surprisingly) lyrically sub-par. So much so lyrically, that bringing up specific ‘boo’ examples is really just a waste of everyone’s time. And the Kanye–produced, John Legend combo joint ‘Do U Wanna Ride’ is just flat out disappointing. But to be fair, Kanye did drop the sped-up sample approach, choosing instead to awkwardly loop the ‘Left My Wallet in El Segundo’ drums.

Continuing with the anti-gully fair, I’ve been trying to find a way to describe the final track, the lead Coldplay guy-assisted ‘Beach Chair’ without using the word ‘homo’. And apparently I just failed. It’s a meandering little ditty, where Hov tries to dig deep, coming up with “Life is just a beach chair.” Word. Dead f@!^in’ Presidents don’t represent me. Now Jay-Z fans, this track will be the ultimate test of whether you still really, really ride with Shawn. If you can dig, “No compass comes with this life/Just eyes/So to map it out you must look inside/ Sure, books can guide you but your heart defines you…Chica/ the corazon is what brought us home…” congratulations, you are still an official rider (he gets deep in two languages!!). For those of you who don’t necessarily think not-being Jim Jones makes you a good lyricist, you may be less convinced. But seriously, I don’t understand dude at times: just as you grow weary with the clichéd placation-heavy tune, he makes what could be a self-effacing reference about giving you ‘songs like a Halmark card’, until you realize, he means that in a good way. Insert Clipse “Uuuughhh”.

And it’s this, “we don’t believe you’ lack of depth that resounds on the other ‘grown-man’ effort (they don’t call it ‘conscious’ no mo’). In Minority Report, Jay scolds himself for not doing enough for Katrina victims while reminding us he dropped a mil on the cause, after which, ‘no homo’ Ne-Yo takes his piece out of his dancer’s mouth long enough to scold the rest of us for not caring. Nice.

So where does this album work? When Jay brings back that ‘A Million and One’ swagger, although none of these tracks hit with the force of a Premier joint. The Dr. Dre and Affiliates Inc. produced ‘Lost Ones’ and ’30-Something’ do bump lovely and give Hov a chance to address those lingering ‘hater’ issues, while trying to convince young fans that ’30 is the new 20…’. Uh huh. Good luck with that. But these songs come off more as a throwback, an aside to those listeners who were actually around to buy the ‘Purple Tape’ (and, no doubt, conclude it’s a better album than RD). The Dipse..uh, haters are more directly addressed in the synthesizer-heavy Swiss Beat (surprise!) ‘Dig a Hole’, helped out by what appears to be an angry sounding Ginuwine on the hook (it’s not him tho…). It’ll make you think before you shoot that jump shot. But somehow, I’m not so sure it’ll stop all the ‘Baaaaaaallin!” The rest of the tracks are solid and have potential to grow on the listener, but the two superior Just Blaze joints are somewhat scuttled by either a weak hook (‘Oh My God’) or uninspired rhymes (the Super Freaky title track...and we get it, you're like a super hero in the rap game).

So this is what it really comes down to. The master of the post-Golden era (or Post post-Golden era, depending how you look at it) hip-hop scene is finally succumbing to the inevitable physics of it all? How you view this album comes down to expectation and unfortunately for Shawn, it’s at a pretty high level. But really, all his talk of ‘best album ever’ was saved for the retirement album. This ‘Un-retirement’ album should be a marketing success just on principle alone, in spite of the choice of lead single. And even the biggest Nas fan would have to admit that Jay still has an overall ‘lyrical swag’ that would keep him in anybody’s Top 5. This review may sound harsh, but that’s what happens when you proclaim yourself as a messiah…of any kind. It may be instinct to compare this album to his past catalogue, and this effort may not seem so bad in that respect. Because honestly, was Izzo that good a song? I mean, really.

‘Kingdom Come’ may begin the erosion of Jay-Z’s wild popularity, but it’ll be just part of a longer, slower process until ‘Baaaaallin’ in general becomes passé in Hip-Hop (again, for those that weren’t around…this was the case at one point…sisssies!! And LL is still bitter about it…). I mean can anyone else say they are part owner of a ball team? And although he may not live up to his own, possibly-inflated lyrical standards, surrounding himself with Young Jeezy and beefing with Jim Jones can’t possibly hurt in that respect. At the end of the day, nobody has been able to put together lyrical ability, street cred and cross-over appeal like Jay since the passing of Big. People have a reason to hate, despite his ‘altruistic’ efforts at making ‘grown-man’ music. Lyricists hate on his fame and/or paper. Dope boys hate on the new image while aspiring to it. And ladies, you know you’ve said some things about B. Be honest (Tamara…et tu?). At least about her hair (tell a white girl…).

Ultimately, Kingdom Come will give the haters more fuel. And this album wasn’t even the best one I got my hands on this weekend: that honor belongs to the Juggaknots’ ‘Use Your Confusion’. Now before you write this off as nonsense, you really need to check out that joint…it’s a straight banger.

The journey for respect begins...

So our homestand continues tonight with Philly, and finishes up Friday against those resurgent Hawks. Then, its on with the killa West Coast swing, which should quickly give some insight into how the Raps will ultimately fair. Funnily enough, even though it's shockingly early in the season, there seems to be a dark cloud following our 1-2 squad - as folks have already burried that stellar preseason and the 'so much optimism' that came with it. These next two games could do a great deal towards building morale, not to mention they are both against Eastern Conference rivals: our playoff future, no matter how hopeful in principle, is implicit in the outcome.
Using the ol' faithful of analogies, our lack of respect in the basketball world is derived from the lack of sexiness the Raps currently represent. But do folks really have high hopes for Philly and Atlanta, regardless how they have come out the gate? I mean, Philly has been around the block and back, sure, but is anyone willing to bonafide her? Yeah, you can score...but a wifie gots to be able to play some defense too. Plus, she ain't no young thing anymore. And Atlanta? Sure, she's seems to have sprouted some big uns' over the summer, but its still early. Might be just a really good bra.
Right now, we're the stuff of cliched teen flicks...the PYT with the unflattering, shapeless wardrobe, the funny glasses...the one who's supposed to 'blossom' in a year or two. Underneath it all, the one with 'potential'. Oh and everyone thinks our moms (sorry Sam) is clueless, so apparently, that hinders our 'social development'.
Regardless of perception, it's time to make a statement, Raptors. It's time to actually run the break, not just take hurried shots at the beginning of the shot clock. It's time to get some half-court production. We already have usual suspects, on the disappointing side of things (and on that note, would it kill the coaching staff to run MoPete some plays...some people just need structure...). It's time to show something against two very beatable teams.
And it would be nice to show it against a team that was already beat up in Indiana last night. Still, you know AI loves Toronto...like a Nas baby mama. Both have historically been good to him. He's had some good nights with both...really lit them up. Put up...big...numbers...Sigh...I can't do this anymore...just google 'Carmen', 'Nas'...maybe 'groupie novels' and I'll just leave it alone...
Hopefully, that changes tonight. We take these two games, and at least we'll start being mentioned as a 'middle of the pack' team.
Hey, it's a process...

My Saturday Night With Borat...

So I got swept in the hype of what appears to be the flash point of a somewhat startling cultural phenomenon and succumbed to an opening weekend viewing of the film featuring everyone’s favorite Eurasian, Borat Sagdiyev (thanks to the extra-late screening at the Richmond St. Famous Players). Sasha Baron Cohen, the man behind Borat (and Ali G, for the cave-dwellers) follows that familiar premise of taking an outlandish culturally-backward fish out of water and throwing him, for comedy’s sake, at the unfamiliar superiority complex-possessing Westerner: in this case, the ig’nant American. Of course, the inside joke with the audience is quickly established by the comedic depiction of his homeland and I’ll just add that I don’t know what Kazakhstan did to Mr. Cohen, but to paraphrase, wa wa wi wa.

So off to America does Borat go and wreck havoc on the unsuspecting. The plot, itself, has everything to do with the journey, as the destination is of little significance, other than to bring about an odd cameo by Pam Anderson. What is amazing is how the actor is able to keep himself from getting lynched during the journey. All the credit goes to Cohen for remaining in character to such an intense degree, and it is this believability of his comical facade that must, literally, keep him alive at times.

This, essentially, is the movie: if you enjoy the shtick, you’ll love it. But while the modus operandi is clearly established, it is the wealth of material for parody in the U.S. that makes this movie go. Cohen identifies the well, and then goes to it often (cough...the SOUTH…cough…). Unsurprisingly, it seems the least prompted (although you can never really tell with the obvious reliance on editing for coherence and believability) exchanges provide the most comedic gold: the encounter with the most generic frat boys ever created, was predictable to anyone who has spent any time in the last decade on a university campus. However, the apparent unsolicited but, uh, well-intentioned advice of a rodeo organizer was shockingly hilarious unscripted genius right down to the ‘I-talian’ and ‘MOS-lum’ references.

Basically, this is what it comes down to – do you enjoy seeing this character repeatedly spring into action and, at times, savage his victims (i.e. the woman who booked him on what was a mayhem-plagued local newscast was subsequently fired…so much for research…). I have to admit, I found myself wandering at times, trying to predict how he would offend next or questioning the nature of the pre-scripting. And when the resultant punch lines were realized, I often became almost squeamish at the behaviour of the unwitting co-stars or the less than flattering editing used to create the effect. Maybe I’m just getting old. Or maybe my faith in humanity is a little more idealistically based…but then again, I thought the Game should have never been allowed to use ‘One Blood’ as a cut-up sonic backdrop for studio gangsterisms.

Apparently if you don’t see this movie, you will be left in the dust of all that is happening in the realm of pop culture. And if your peoples are particularly ravenous over Cohen’s fair, you probably won’t really understand the punch lines to group jokes for at least a month or two.

So to see this flick, you certainly don’t need to have any familiarity with his past material or know he’s a devout Jew (well, maybe that’ll help with the anti-Semitic bits) that has provoked the ire of the Anti Defamation League or have even looked at Mahir Cagri’s web site (google him and lo, you will find inspiration). Just know that Cohen will, no doubt, have to lay Borat to bed and that this last hurrah was a worthwhile send-off. And that you will be responsible for making this man PAID (mockumentaries are cheap to make…insert faith-based wealth-acquiring stereotype dig here). But don’t worry, he’s got another character, Bruno, who is waiting in the wings to ravage the fashion industry (easy and necessary target) and he shouldn’t disappoint. The question really is how much do fashion peoples really care about their image?

Welcome to the first installment of "What Would YOU Say to Fassy Vince?"

I've avoided getting to this is since Wednesday but first things first. I have to address another piece of business: Fuck the Globe and Mail. Two times.
There. And now for our premiere episode of "What would YOU say to Fassy Vince." You thought that our former hapless superstar who seeming left our hearts and minds was gone for good? I'm going to avoid the "jilted lover still watching the hot chickenhead-ex still find ways to taunt and generally wreck havoc in said former loyal companion's life" metaphor, because it's too easy, and sadly, too appropriate. So why is this happening to us? Are we not good basketball fans? What does Marty York have to prove, actually printing the super-Sihk basketball fan/car salesman/VC camp member (the order is interchangeable) Nav Bhatia's contrived gossip? Why is FLOW broadcasting this? Will Vince really ever come back!!? Are we being played out, here? And what would YOU have to say to fassy Vince, given the chance?
Now take a deep breath. Fortunately, our organization is in the hands of a real professional, so even if this chatter gets louder as the season winds down, I'm pretty sure Colangelo will have a handle on it. So the rest is really just speculation on our part, and politics on VC's. Lemme 'splain.
Vince will opt out of his contract after this year to test the market; only a disaster would negate this from happening. So where could he sign? Keep in mind this, wherever he signs, he will mostly likely be looking for guaranteed long-term money. This may the last time in his career where he will have this type of leverage.
OK, what about NJ? What about them? They have certain Bird rights that will enable them to feasibly make a large offer. The thing is, they are already on the tab for big money with JKidd and RJ. They have a franchise move to consider, which could be all the more expensive with the knocking down of housing in Brooklyn to make room for a stadium-type issues. So how much would they be willing to drop even if they could avoid luxury tax? And with these issues, would the Nets really want to put that money into Vince, with other free agents looming on the horizon, particular one would be King who is continually shouted out in the lyrics of a certain minority owner. It's chess here, not checkers (time to hold up your 'diamond' and show 'em what you got...no, no...I'll pass...oh and anyone who buys that champagne for more than a bill is an idiot...yeah, cuz that really is real gold on the label...stoopid.).
Let's include the fact that Vince may not want to commit to the Nets, a franchise who's championship window with its current roster is closing about as fast as the point guards whizzing by JKidd on a daily basis. If he's gonna settle somewhere long-term, it should be on a team that's on the come-up. A young team with dough to spend.
So everybody, let's point at the obvious first choice: Orlando. For those not knowing, Vince's marriage is reportedly on the rocks, and his soon-to-be ex-wife intends to relocate their child to Orlando. Hmmm. Vince's people say he already has a mansion there (currently, in the pre-alimony sense). And Grant Hill's ginormous contract just happens to finally come off the books after this season on a team pay-roll already amongst the Lig's lowest. Seems like a go. In fact, seems like the only real option at this point.
So how do Vince's peoples drive up the demand, without expecting Vince, to say, play better. How about finding another suitor. Someone near the bottom of the Lig payroll, but a team with a future, somewhere that's workable; where he has some inside at. Somewhere gullible enough to be used in a ruse, perhaps (Who works through a radio station, anyways? Can you really be a self-proclaimed man of the people and not be in American right-wing politics?)...
Ha, ha ha. Sigh. Well, we're smarter now with Colangelo GMin' (could you imagine Babcock re-acquiring Vince...he probably woulda tried to do it). But why is this out there? How is this even plausible? Well, believe it or not, Vince actually likes Toronto, peoples. It was mostly good to him. Management cratered to every whim. Super-star treatment fo sho. He had a club, dammit. And socially, for a guy who was (cough...SOFT...cough) not even close to matching the exploits of former Raptor lotharios (how many people knew someone 'dating' Damon Stoudamire? Hell, even Chris Childs got down like a villain...), the Dot provides an inviting comfort zone. Our Toronto women's blindingly soft spot for any American male, never mind a real baller, finally has a practical use - it just ain't the same in NYC, ladies...can't just ride on a name out there, you got to show and prove. Case in point, a former legend on the scene out there was Malik Sealy (R.I.P.) . Don't know who he was? My point exactly. And to you real diggers, working hard to take a rich man's money, my apologies cuz its these other amateur hefers that put a black eye in the game. Now get back to that pole or internet 'photo' shoot...
I'm trying to say that Vince will be single, ladies. And that's a relationship-shook Vince, a baby-daddy Vince...he'd definitely appreciate a comfort zone, a chance to reacquaint himself with some old safe relationships perhaps...
I mean, the Dot does get some lifestyle points, but don't get me wrong, it wouldn't mean a MoPete off-balance three if our organization didn't have the money to spend. Alvin Williams is off the books and no Zo either as of next year (now ain't that a bitch). We still gotta lock up Bosh, then decide what to do with MoPete and Freddie Jones (and Calderon and Parker). But right now, we're around 3rd last in the Lig in payroll. Theoretically, something could be worked out with Vince.
But really, is there a shot? Even if it's half-court heave? Well, for all those enamored in any way by this (shout out to Don and his baby on the inside and workaholic Tatez and his soon-to-come-out seed), here's one guaranteed buzz kill: Sam Mitchell. If he's still coaching, this talk, even the most remote of prospects, is swimming with the fishies. Jam done. Knowing Vince, in this scenario, he'd try and assert himself with management to get (if still around after this season, would surely inherit the nickname, 'Teflon') Sam offed. That's just not the sort of behaviour we'd want out of player expected to defer to Bosh. And really, that would be the best thing about having Vince around again...watching him realize he's not the franchise anymore...
But I'll leave that to another, slower day...how would it all work out for the Raps if Vince were around? Hmmm...we'll have to leave that for our next installment of "What would YOU say to Fassy Vince?"...
Until then, Bucks tonight...I'm not saying must win, but it is a conference oponnent who we will be battling a playoff spot for. And Charlie V is back in the house (begin feel good vibes). God, I hope somebody at least tries to make Redd work for his...

One loss for the Raps...one large dose of reality...

Obviously, the distorted high of a 7-1 preseason was going to lead to the inevitable buzz kill. Like Wendy Williams punking Lupe Fiasco on the radio (I will eventually link to these references...honest), last night was a predictable result when hope and expectation of the ideal are replaced by the cold, hard truth of the actual. I only caught from the fourth quarter non-defensive stand on, but looking at the box score and this being extremely early in the season, I have to consider this performance an anomaly.
Clearly the positives were the combined performances of TJ Ford and Anthony Parker, who in particular, was shockingly effective considering his blahzay preseason. Other than that, the two areas that implicitly need improvement, defense and rebounding, were completely lacking. Being outrebounded by 14 and letting your opponents shoot over 50% from the field will guarantee a loss against anybody. True, Bosh has obvious health-related issues hindering his play, but once again MoPete is a problem. For him not to at least drop, minimum 15 and be some sort of presence on the offensive end is inexcusable. Going 0-7 from three just won't cut it. These down games have got to get less down for Morris if this team is going to do anything. And I heard he addressed the issue about the plausibility of attaining all-star status this year...mmmmmmm, yeah. Joey Graham is not helping himself either...PJ Tucker's footsteps are getting noticeably louder.
Hopefully the home opener will provide a wake up call, cuz really, most of the roster couldn't have been less productive if they tried (hey Euros...regular season is a little more intense, no?) I'm sure TJ Ford and Charlie V will come out strong...I just hope somebody makes sure Redd works for his.
On that note, final comment...please, somebody, please tell the coaching staff never to have MoPete guard Vince. Never, ever, ever, ever...evaaah. After years of owning someone in practice, you think that things will change now that they play on different teams? In the tragic comedy that was the fourth quarter, its as if Vince played the role of fire and MoPete was cast as the lighter fluid...stop this maddness, there are options.

I will get around to addressing the ridiculous Marty York rumour of Vince considering a return to Toronto, in my premier installment of "What would you say to Fassy Vince?" It's much read blogging...

Eastern Conference playoff predictions...from a Dot point of view.

So the season has finally started. I know, I know, technically bets are placed before the games start, but here is how I see the East and the resulting best case/worst case scenarios, giving me my outs. And did Miami and Phoenix ever stink it up last night...well, Phoenix for 3 quarters...maybe these first games have subliminally affected me, but only in the most deeply subconscious way...despite my conscious acknowledgement of it. Besides, I'm saying Toronto will make the playoffs, still...I clearly have greater biases influencing my judgement.

1. Detroit: Best Case - Yes, they will miss Big Ben's defensive stalwartedness and charges taken. But really, now is the time to coherce a big year out of Sheed and to let Dyce step up. And change of scenery is never bad a thing...at least Nazzy knows what its like to play for a good team. The backcourt is superior, as usual, and Flip the player is a nice addition. Veteran team, precision offense, no malcontents (Carlos buddy...you makin' me a liar?)...should rack up big numbers in the regular season.
Worst Case - Without Ben, they give up trying to stop people at all and just out gun em. Precision offense turns into perimeter offense. Somebody starts wanting it with Coach Flip. That said, I don't see them slipping any worse than fourth in the conference...realistically third. If they flop...they'll do it in the playoffs.

2. Chicago: Best Case - Could be a very deep team. Skiles could even work rookies into the line-up (T-Double and some guy named Thabo?). Big Ben and PJ Brown are a huge improvement over whatever they had up front previously and Nocioni as 6th man brings the spark they need off bench. The scoring by committee thing, a theory running counter to 'Lig' conventional wisdom, makes them an unpredictable and dangerous team.
Worst Case - Ben asks for a bigger role on the offensive end, starting it with Skiles.
The lack of a real, full-sized (love you BG...but sorry) go-to player on offense starts to create doubts around the team. Remember this is the team that was doing everything possible behind the scenes to acquire Paul Pierce. Impressed with that name as a Bull...so were they. Sometimes you just gotta love the one your with...if two of the big three aren't scoring on any given night, this team will lose.

3. New Jersey: Best Case - JKidd makes that prooclaimation of averaging a 3-2 not the dumbest thing you ever heard. Vince, R 'Never Will Be Vince' J, Antoine Wright and Hasan Adams run and jump over everything and rebound in the defensive end. The boy Nenad continues to knock down those 15fters Kidd hands him and maybe adds a few feet to his range. First round pick Marcus Williams is able to stop somebody. Manage to buck David Stern and schedule Toronto for 30 games this season and the first two rounds of the playoffs, securing MVP for Vince. Fantasy aside, they are in the Atlantic Division...with a contract year Vince (a slight up-grade in motivation). The regular season looks good.
Worst Case - They will not be able to stop anybody from the point guard position. Extremely thin depth exposed. In particular, wafer thin up front: Jason Collins, Mikki Moore and Buffalo's finest ball-playing geriatric Uncle Cliffy (the weed is for his cataracts dammit!!!) ? Can somebody say glass ceiling? This team will not make it far in the playoffs...especially if Kidd starts getting hung for a Curtis by career back-ups. And remember, these dudes are hitching their wagon to Vince. Isn't that a franchise Worst Case scenario?

4. Cleveland: Best Case - LeBron. Son who would be King starts his reign (on you hoes) this year. Larry Hughes prooves a capable second in command, and outside shooting/scoring suddenly appears from the point guard position (i.e. Shannon Brown becomes a player in the Lig). Donyell stops worrying about his cursed Steelers and becomes steady contributer. Gooden stops getting exposed against legit PF's. Big Z is consistently involved on offense.
Worst Case - Teams figure out no Cav aside from their top two can create a shot. Side Show Bob is forced to play big minutes. The LeBron from the World Championships shows up...jump shot lost amid hype. Becomes best player in history to shoot that many airballs.

5. Miami: Best Case - David Stern mandate refs officiate Heat in the regular season as they do in the playoffs. D. Wade sets free throw attempts record. Kobe does something to vex Shaq, dragging one last big season out of him. Team trip to fountain of youth. Posey becomes ligit starter. Pick up Jalen Rose.
Worst Case - How could you put the defending champions at 5th...5th?!But the reality is that this team could not give not a Lil' Jon 'WHAAT' about the regular season. These dudes are just too old...and now, placated. And speaking of which, point blank...how could Shaq care anymore? Really. These guys might actually make another playoff run, with the refs being what they are. But Stern's marketing department created a team that became possibly the worst Champions in the history of the Lig. And its a team that is not built for the regular season. Oh yeah, pick up Jalen Rose.

6. Washington: Best Case - Gilbert finds a good nickname, makes Lig pay for WC snub. Caron Butler steps up and puts up regular season numbers that resemble those he posted at the end of last season. Jarvis Hayes becomes a shooter that can light it up off the bench. DeShawn Stevenson shows he can defend and knock down an open jumper. Consistent inside play evolves from Haywood/Thomas pairing.
Worst Case - These guys defend like they did last year: ranked amongst the lottery teams. Big individual offensive numbers prove cosmetic. Jamison continues to show WC form. Inside play lack-luster, and they becomes softer than Harry Potter inside. Team offense derived exclusively from perimeter, while the production from the shooting guard position is still non-existent.

7. Toronto: Best Case - If anybody from the States reads this...not a delusional homer prediction. You'll see. In the, uh, best case scenario. Team successfully makes the switch to becoming Phoenix East - up-tempo system good for extra 5-7 road wins alone. Roster depth holds up. Bosh's foot woes aren't Duncan-like. Improved defense and rebounding, open-court play balances out team's natural perimeter tendenices. Bargnani develops some. RUUUNNNN!!!
Worst case - Bosh's plantar fasciitis seriious. Unable to stop anybody on the perimeter (Ford and Calderon...I'm not NOT looking at y'all...). Get consistently bullied inside. Team reverts to the vaunted Mitchell 'one-set' offense (can't even rely on Mike James to dribble down shot clock...gaaasp). Prolonged losing streak causes internal turmoil: coach hung out to dry (a short-term worst case). Bargnani = Darko (felt dirty typing that). All and all, will still be better than last year.

8. Orlando: Best Case - A hot pick for many. Dwight Howard turns into Lig Hulk. Point guard play consistently solid, Jameer has a big year. Somebody, anybody, other than Turkgoglu is able to hit consistently from the outside. Grant Hill is able to provide...anything. Darko emerges...
Worst Case - No shooters on offense, teams collapse on Dwight all day. Arroyo sulks at having to come off bench and wears PR jersey to practices, affecting team play as a whole. Darko and Grant completely ineffective on court, quit ball to help manage Tamia and get her back on a major label (I smell a buddy show pilot!). Revert to days of regularly letting teams light them up like Chinese New Years (not that long ago).

"That don't mek it"... teams living the worst case scenario.

New York: Will have a marked improvement without 'Fundamentals' Brown. Potential clearly there, even with accepting that you are relying on Isiah to bring it out. Although they got rid of Jalen to clear up the front court, I see serious issues with the four guard backcourt rotation where they need to make a similar statement. Ultimately, they will have to get rid of one...most likely Francis or Crawford. Already projecting a 15 odd game turnaround...playoffs a bit much for a franchise this dysfunctional. Screw you Larry!!

Indiana: I'll say it, a painfully over-rated team. Enough with the semantics...tell 'em how you really feel. You want to put all your eggs in the up-tempo basket and then give the reigns to Jamaal Tinsley? Heeell to the naw. Has this dude ever made it through half a season? And no Anthony Johnson to bail y'all out this year (so you got DA??!). And former Hawk Al Harrington returns...is that really that gonna do it? Does anybody really think Gunshot Jackson can consistently put up numbers throughout a long regular season? I couldn't care how well he played in one playoff series. And people are expecting a whole lot out of Danny Granger...isn't that expecting a whole lot. Management cut James White sighting team character issues. Cuz now all those problems are gonna go away. Good luck with that, JO...

Milwaukee: Gave up your starting point guard so shoot first Mo Williams can move from his ideal spot as off the bench gunner to get big minutes. Bogut's hurt and Charlie V is playing like it in the preseason. Redd aside, without a natural playmaker (hell even with one), this team will struggle to score. And if the aforementioned front-court twosome doesn't rebound...this team will have to go looking for help elsewhere or the season's a wrap.

Boston: Still waiting for that young front-court to come around, huh? Might have to wait a little longer. They do realize Ryan Gomes is supposed to be a role player, right? All my objections to this team revolve around the notion that their bigs are legit NBA starters. Give them credit in the backcourt tho, I think Telfair and Rondo will be very solid for years to come. Just don't see it happening this year, as a team. May see Paul Pierce moved by the trade deadline (relax Chicago)...especially if Gerald Green starts coming around. Ainge is like that, kid...

For anybody who isn't mentioned and does make a run at the playoffs, I'll repent those sins at a later time. For now, I'm sticking to this story...